(Image via esmeb on Photobucket)
Lately, it seems like I’ve seen more than a few people down-play their amazing talents when they’re praised and it’s irritating, because I know these people are TO-TALLY inspiring. It could be a simple “Oh, it’s nothing” in response to a compliment that makes me want to grab them and say “HEY. YOU ARE AMAZING. PLEASE BELIEVE ME!!” In the brush-off acceptance, you’re sort of showing the compliment-giver that you don’t view yourself as valuable. Acceptance of genuine complements is the acceptance of how valuable, wonderful and inspiring you and your handiwork are.
In saying “It’s nothing,” or diminishing the greatness of your work, you also diminish the complement you were given. I’m a giver of genuine complements so if I say your work is fantastic, a response like “Oh, anybody could do that” is akin to rejection. If you reject the compliment I’ve given you, I may shy away from giving more complements that might be rejected. If you say “Thank you!” and tell me a cute detail about the thing I’ve complimented, I’m going to be impressed and I’m going to want to see more. (Of course, gushing about how you totally spent all that money on that totally expensive handbag may seem like bragging; instead tell me what you love best about it or simply acknowledge my complement.)
I think, sometimes, people devalue themselves when they lack confidence in themselves, their work and their own personal power. The only thing that’s keeping those people from their true amazing potential is themselves. If you truly believe in yourself and your amazing-ness, the world will follow, and it’ll be much easier to keep them convinced.
If you don’t truly believe in your whole self yet, pick one beautiful thing that you do believe in and start there. Compliment yourself on that one amazing trait – and don’t devalue your compliment to yourself. Spend the day noticing how you excel in that one thing. Take pride in that one thing the whole day, then the next day, pick another excellent trait to believe in and compliment yourself on. Work your way up, and soon you’ll find excellence you didn’t even know about. That amazing confidence you gain in truly believing in and appreciating yourself will shine through everything you do, from writing, to your work, to how you carry yourself.
When you can truly accept all your own compliments, the compliments others give you will be easy to receive and appreciate, and it’ll be a beautiful, fulfilling feeling to give that same kind of gratitude and appreciation to others.
Be your own purpose! Be your own vision! Be your best cheerleader and you’re bound to succeed.
Thanks for writing this! It has long been a pet peeve of mine as well. I don’t understand why a compliment appears to draw out shame in some people. By shining our talentsor whatever about is beautiful, we inspire other people to so the same. The world would be a better place
I so needed to read this. Thanks! Good job!!
Thanks, loves! Inspire those around you to accept their wonderful-ness, and the world WILL be a better place!
Woah! Did you listen in on my therapy session this morning?
My therapist is always telling me to write down things I did well each day. (Even if it is just doing the dishes.) I feel better when I do and I can reflect on it later.
I forget how not appreciating a complement can affect the other person. “You” feel better when someone accepts it.
Thanks for the reminder!
LC
Leslie Cooper’s last blog post..Leah’s 1st photo shoot with Aunt Leslie!
That image is just like my M. He is always waiting to hug me. The reflection of myself in his eyes, reminds me that I should always value myself, even on my worst self doubting days. Did you know that I am awesome because I can build almost anything?! It’s true. And you are a wonderful new friend!
I love this post, and I love that you posted it on my 30th birthday. It is something I’ve believed for years, but still struggle with myself. I remember someone telling me in grade school that disagreeing with a compliment was like telling someone they had bad taste, or that they were just plain wrong. From then on I’ve done my best to just say “Thank You” at the very least.
It’s amazing how accepting the compliment by saying “Thank You,” even if you don’t believe it, makes you feel. It’s like it forces it into your psyche. You are forced to recognize your own worth when you say those two magic little words.
This is a lesson I hope my mother learns. She is always belittling herself every time she gets a compliment. Its sad and people don’t know how to react. I don’t think she even realizes she’s doing it.
Anyway, thank you! It’s an important lesson that bears repeating!!!