La bonne vie commence!

–
Each morning I wake up,
and leave a small piece of my heart
with you.
In place of the vacant piece -
that small space
is filled with a love,
sometimes unbearable.
It swells, as I watch you sleep
for only a moment
before I leave.
It feels, for that moment,
like I am overfull.
The swell of love is almost too much -
in only a moment, I could burst.
My heart beats -
and while it’s main duty is to me,
part of it wants nothing more
than to beat for you.
–

In celebration of la bonne vie, Mister and I left our fantastic little room at the Inn, on the evening of the first – we opted for dinner at Mamma Mia, down by the waterfront in Portland. The food was fantastic and the wine was delicious and well-paired. Downtown was almost dead – considering it was about 8 on a Thursday night (though it was a holiday!) and it was pouring so hard it looked like rain was coming from both the sky and the ground!

As Mister and I walked from the restaurant to the streetcar, we huddled together under our one umbrella to stay out of the rain. We walked synchronously, one arm around the other, laughing and talking and sloshing through puddles. One might think that one umbrella for two people in a downpour would be miserable, which is far from true. One of the most alive and invigorating experiences I had this weekend was trekking around with my lover under an umbrella meant for one. As we huddled together under the rain, I applauded the wonder of life.

I realized, in an instant, that everything that’s led up to now doesn’t matter anymore. Those experiences helped create the person I am now; however in this instant, I am more than, and no part of what I was before. We all find trials and tests of character. We all suffer, and are joyous. Those things build us up to where we are now, but they are not who we are now.

I am not myself of a year ago, moving into an apartment with a friend and future roommate. I am not myself from 2001, just coming home from a vacation with my parents. I am not even myself of a month ago, fretting over a grading error on my transcript. I am not the club kid, I am not the stubborn friend. I am always new, and the best I could ever be.

I’m not what I was before, because in learning from those experiences I will never be the same – I am better for having lived through those experiences. I am happier now, because I’ve experienced wonderful things, like walking arm in arm, through the rain with the one I love. Each experience we have is a new reason to treasure our lives. Each time we smile, or shed tears, we are reminded of how human we are, and how amazing it is to feel. We are influenced by the sum of our experiences, but we are not those things past.

To experience life to the fullest, huddle under an umbrella with someone you love, and marvel at how the rain falls around you, but not on you. Write love letters to your loved ones, love letters to yourself, and to life. Treat yourself to a gorgeous dinner with someone you care about. Spend a weekend hiding out in bed with a lover or a good book – and take breakfast in bed! Make dinner at home for yourself and a friend and instead of reminiscing about the past, plan for future adventures.

Live for the future adventures, not giving in to the distraction of what came before now. There is no past and the future is relative. What’s real is right now.