Overcoming heartbreak

I have this friend who’s been sort of down for the past little while since a sort of rocky breakup.  I was talking to this person about the little personal speedbump they’ve hit and I started to think about what it’s like to be in that situation.  I know that feeling of needing someone there, of needing some interaction.  I know how it is to maybe feel like you should be single, but to find yourself constantly wanting or looking for the next relationship that might ease that discontent.  I understand that feeling that you’re all alone – that your friends are off with this and that lover, or the feeling that nobody’s there to listen to you, and to commiserate.  I identified with this person’s plight and it sort of made my chest ache for them and for everyone who goes through this emotional down time.

(Img via Kaleidoscope Eyes)

I’ve been there more times than I can count – I’m okay with admitting that.  Love isn’t easy for anybody and (I hate to sound selfish) in all matters related to your heart, you need to look after yourself.  The post-breakup period is about getting to know yourself again, and remembering how much you love you.

Now, we’ve all experienced the ex who texts you a week later professing their love and I can’t tell you the best course of action here.  I can only say this: how many chances is your relationship worth?  People DO make mistakes, but don’t walk back into something without making sure your heart is protected.  People, regardless of what they say, look out for themselves first and so should you in that situation.

The first thing I do when I hit this little down point is to clean out the personal clutter that a relationship and breakup leaves behind.  Sometimes it’s as simple as taking our photos down off the fridge, and sometimes it’s a Saturday rearranging my apartment while listening to Abba (Seriously.  Abba.  Wut!?).  During this period I make sure to nix all the sad-sack songs off my playlist and listen to a lot of me-centric more upbeat music.  I rearrange my life to be about me.  I take myself out to dinner or drinks with friends.  I treat myself to a massage or spend time in the tub reading girlie mags.

Sometimes I write myself little love notes in lipstick on my bathroom mirror.  Often I try to mentally make a list (as quickly as possible) of all the reasons I love me.  I spend time doing things I absolutely love and adjusting.

The most important part of all this adjustment and getting over the breakup is acceptance.  You go through your angry period and your sad period and all these little self-love routines to get to one basic point.    You have to accept that point in your life and move forward.  Life is what it is and there’s no way to change it.  The more you love yourself and accept your self and whatever comes to you, the less time it’ll take you to realize that you’re always in the right place – whether you’re with someone or not.

Instead of focusing on how heartbroken you are without your last lover, make a point of recognizing and realizing all the reasons that you and your life are amazing despite who you’re with.  You’re always going to end up where you need to be to have your best life ever, and resistance is never the easiest path to the end result.  Love yourself, love your life, and accept whatever curveball life throws at you next.