Why can’t we get along?

I bought a UK Vogue while I was over for good reads on the tube and was immediately struck by an article, written by Alex Blimes (a guy – d’accord! and the director of “GQ”) about the amount of cattiness that exists between women.

The article is incredibly relevant in a time where we’re seeing articles like “Jealousy is the Killer of Girl Love” and “Open Letter: To the Women in the World“.  Hell, I just wrote an article at The Demoiselles on how catty women are sometimes towards their thinner counterparts.  One thing my article pointed out was that the only thing keeping women down, is ourselves, and I fully stand behind that statement.

(Img via MommyNeedsCoffee)

Blimes’ article points out that snarky remarks and cattiness are part of female culture and that was shocking to me.  It was more shocking because in talking with male friends they pointed out: “You give a woman a picture of another hot woman, and generally they’re going to rip her to shreds – whether it’s her weight or the way she’s dressed, or who she is and whether or not she’s successful.  Women judge each other more harshly than men ever do.”  I think it’s true too!  I’ve noticed, hanging out with some of my gal pals, that they’re quick to judge Angelina Jolie for being “skeletor-skinny” in Changeling or to *snerk* at a woman who’s dressed a little more provocatively than the rest.  Why are we so quick to judge and be nasty about it!?

Blimes’s article says straight out: “Women are in competition.  They fear being replaced by someone younger or better looking.”  The article also notes that “much of this [bitchiness] is born of a combination of envy and inadequacy, and that feelings of powerlessness and ugliness are directed outwards against the world in attempt to prevent them festering inside.”  It’s rings true when it seems like women get some perverse joy out of putting each other down.  The masochism doesn’t stop there though, because “the qualities to which women most aspire are exactly the same as those they most despise in others”, according to Blimes.

The cattiness, bitchiness and general snark towards each other has GOT to stop.  If we don’t support each other, how are we all ever going to succeed.  The pushing each other down to get ahead means that as a whole, we’re all NEVER going to get ahead.  Instead of thinking “OH she looks like a tramp in that short skirt,” make your inner monologue say, “Good for her, rocking that skirt with those legs!  Do it, girl!”.  If you can’t make your brain do it right away, at least follow up that snarky inner monologue with something positive – an idea that you’re correcting this wrong thought pattern of putting women down.  Eventually you’ll get used to consciously thinking good things about the women around you and that mean little voice will shut it’s trap.

More importantly than that, though, don’t engage in the vocal liberation of trash talk.  It’s like your ma used to tell you – if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.  By talking trash, you’re demoting feminism, and we’ve come so far in the last century – we can’t afford to ruin it.  That catty attitude is definitely “out of style”.

Article source:

Blimes, Alex. “Twisted Sisters ” Vogue UK. May 2009: 87-88.