Reunions are complicated things.  On the one hand, you fear that you’ll need to impress people with how much better your life is than it was in High School.  (No brainer – it TOTALLY IS)  And you might feel the need to be able to say, “I’ve made something of myself!”  You also think to yourself, “Why would I want to go?  These people are just going to be as stuck up as they were in High School.”  But listen, it’s up to you a) to decide that you want to go and b) to decide that it’s going to be fun.  If you waltz in with an air of “you’re all assholes” superiority, you’re going to miss out on what makes these parties fun.

So, going into this, remember:  These people are just people, just like you, who’ve done wonderful things, who are loved by people, who have probably made mistakes and made up for them.  The first thing you need to put on when preparing for your reunion is a smile.  The second thing you’re going to do is put on your war face – You’re going to need to be a little brave, because I’m going to suggest you go and talk to everyone you can remember, and even some of the people you don’t remember!  The third thing I’m going to suggest is to maybe eat before hand, and don’t automatically bum-rush the bar (if there’s a bar).  Nobody wants to see you carried out to a taxi halfway through the party.  Be smart about your alcohol consumption.

Oh, and nobody wants to relive that humiliating junior prom – you remember, the one where you had a blemish the size of Vesuvius on your chin, after stressing about a gal-pal going with your ex-flame.  Take a breather, maybe book a facial a few weeks ahead of time.  It’s time to plan what to wear.

Add a lot of drama by mixing high contrast colors.  Toss in a pop of raspberry or coral to keep it fresh.  This look is great for both day-time and evening events, and you’ll totally turn heads…

Or Ultra-Boheme -

Now that you’ve got your “what to wear”, take a minute to survey the room and put on a smile.

What did you wear to your reunion?  Got any tips for reunion-bound babes?

My body is changing.  In the last year, I’ve gained an inch or two around – everywhere.  I know this because sometimes I can be a little self conscious, but if you no longer fit into any of your jeans, wouldn’t you be a little annoyed?  Besides being heavier than I’ve ever been, I’m also more out-of-shape than ever.  So in a recent conversation I mentioned a meeting with a trainer, and a friend asked me, “Like … at a gym?  Why do YOU need a trainer?  That’s silly!”  I thought about it – I want to fit into the clothes I own.  I’d also like to be able to run up a flight of stairs without gasping like a fish out of water!  From the outside this might seem like a thin-obsession, but it’s more about knowing what makes me feel good.

I asked body-positive blogger, Jessica from Tangled Up In Lace, about this phenomenon:

The whole flipping point of Body Acceptance is that NO MATTER what you decide your body’s path is, its perfect for you.   Its a matter of thinking critically about WHY you want to do what you want to do with your body.  I’m so behind self care and deciding what healthy means to you

No one ever has the right to put value on how someone handles their own body.

And Ashe from Dramatis Personae pointed out:

There hasn’t been a point in my life where my body wasn’t solely my own concern.  My parents were always worried about me being too fat as a child, when I really wasn’t more than chubby.  Instead of teaching me to eat right, they just tried to ban foods from my diet.  It wasn’t ever about health, it was about appearance.

In the past 2 months, I’ve had one close friend and one acquaintance call me fat.  And the fact is, it made me more angry than anything.  Who the hell are they to make comments on my body?  As far as I’m concerned, my weight is the concern of me, my doctor, and my partner– in that order.

The media doesn’t help– since I was a kid, magazines had covers boasting the weight loss of stars, while tabloid magazines trashed the weight gains and struggles of others.  They’ve taken women’s bodies and made them public property, free for all to make comments on, without regard to the fact that there are people inside those bodies.

Women should do, simply, what makes them feel good without being detrimental to their health.  If eating a cupcake on a bad day makes you feel better, do it!  If going on a 5 mile run makes you feel great after a fight with you best friend, do it.  Every goal I have for my own body and weight is, for the first time in my life, strictly for me.  It’s about feeling a certain way, going back to a place where I was happy, and was living a life in moderation.

My friend Carrie is undertaking a fitness/body challenge – she’s recently competed in figure competitions.  She does it because “It makes me feel strong, confident, sexy, invincible… I’ve realized that I loved the process leading up to it much more than the competition itself.  The way I feel when I take care of myself by eating right and working out is enough motivation for me now. There’s nothing better than feeling great!”

Although she does it for the best reasons, she’s still subject to body-shaming.  She adds:

It’s much easier to cut a person down or discourage them because of your own issues than be unconditionally supportive. I see this in all aspects of my life, but never moreso than going through this fitness/body transformation journey… and I STILL get it even after all this time. The comments change but story is the same, the people belittling my effort, & my goals seem threatened by it. They are happier if I’m not doing than if I am.

Honestly, the more I think about it, that whole “you’re fine just the way you are” thing really gets to me. Because if [someone] mentions a desire to change… why not improve? There shouldn’t be anything wrong with that (outside of like you said, extreme situations where there’s something else going on).  I really think it goes back to making the rest of us uncomfortable… it’s been much easier for the masses to say, “love yourself the way you are” than for ALL of us to have to take an honest look at ourselves and either accept what we know we don’t like, or … work fucking hard to make changes.  Change isn’t easy, especially when it comes to matters of eating/exercise and the discipline that involves.

I felt a little shame as I headed to my gym appointment, because obviously I love me, right?  Why should I get the side-eye, because I want to be healthier and stronger?  There’s this derisiveness towards my hitting the gym as if these people think I’m deluding myself about why I go.  I feel like we (Everybody. Women.  Ourselves.  Each other.) are so programmed to snark on women’s bodies, regardless of the situation – whether they’re curvaceous or thin or fit or waiflike or brown or purple or like cheese or whatever.  We’re totally missing the point of just caring for ourselves.

As this post titled,  The Body Count from “At War With Our Bodies” adds,

Body image should never be a battle. Although it is true that the ideal weight, as defined by the mass media, has been shrinking in recent years I am more disheartened by this attitude of “winning” and “losing” than I am by the media’s glorification of a nearly unattainable body. People are losing sight of the real problem maker, the media, and aiming their frustrations at each-other by splitting off into teams of sorts ; us against them, skinny against fat, muscular against frail… it just doesn’t make sense.

While I am 100% behind the Fat Acceptance Movement and all of the more generalized Body Acceptance Movements, I cannot get behind their unintentional exclusion of certain body types. For instance, the phrase used by many FA Activists, real women have curves**, really bothers me. Real women have curves? How about; real women have vaginas? Or even better; all women are real women, whether they were born female or became female by choice. By excluding women of a certain body type from being “real” women these groups are participating in the same exclusion they protest… that hardly seems like winning to me.

[These two sentiments] are both equally damaging as they deny people their right to feel comfortable with their body, regardless of what shape it is. One sentiment may be more mainstream than the other, however, this doesn’t make either statement right or justifiable.

I appreciate what the self-love movement does and is trying to do to liberate people from certain ideals.  I also appreciate when a girl mows down a salad instead of picking pasta because she’s looking after herself (who am I to judge?  Maybe she needs the fiber, right?).  In my opinion, she should be able to also eat pasta if it pleases her, but jumping off on a rant about how she “needs a cheeseburger” assumes things about her that may not be true.  Self acceptance comes from within – not from the peanut gallery.  Self-love can mean challenging your self to become a better you.  Just because you’re undertaking that challenge doesn’t mean you love you any less.

I think we could stand to stop treating women’s bodies like public property to comment on. I know that sometimes it’s hard to take a message off the ‘net and apply it in real life, and that it might be awkward to point out to your group of in-person friends when they’re body-snarking.  But maybe you can turn it around.

When someone says something negative about a girl’s body, point out a positive.  Or when you hear yourself saying you want to lose a few, acknowledge the reasons why and remember all the other reasons that your body is great.  And then work out if you want to - if your goal is safe, and reasonable, there’s absolutely no reason why you should be ashamed of wanting to “make better”. Your choice is just that – yours.

And if you’re one of those people who constantly say “you’re fine the way you are” to your friends who express wanting to better their bodies, know your reasons for doing so.  Stop to think about your reasons before you speak, because that sentiment could be inadvertently shaming.  Instead of saying, “you’re fine the way you are”, try pointing out something positive, your favorite part of that person who wants to make better.  Encourage them to do what they feel is right for their bodies, because ultimately that choice is theirs.

So what do you think?  Angry?  In agreement?  Ever been subject to body shaming on either side?

During a recent conversation with friends, a gal I know mentioned going on vacation and wanting to shed a few pounds for the beach.  She was asking about our workout routines (for those of us who are so inclined).  There were a few different camps – those who said that diet could change it, those who said that exercise could change it, those who (like me) said “get a trainer because they are magical creatures who tailor your workouts…” And then there was the camp that shamed us all, saying “That’s silly. You don’t need to go to the gym.  You’re fine the way you are”.

It felt a little like saying *if you have to go to the gym you obviously don’t love you and that’s wrong* – like wanting to better your body is not a legitimate goal. I started to feel like that’s just as damaging as the whole “thin is in” campaign we see in fashion mags, etc.   It’s very damned if you do, damned if you don’t – when did we start subconsciously shaming  girls for wanting to care for their bodies?  For striving towards becoming a better person (in whatever regard that may be)?  Or for just loving and accepting themselves as they are now?

As Kate from Eat The Damn Cake says in this post:  “Really, there’s probably a compromise here. If someone is trying to lose weight, I’m not standing next to them at the gym with a bag of Doritos, going, “You’re wasting your time! Want some pizza? I could really go for a pizza…” I think losing weight is a completely legitimate goal in plenty of cases. I don’t think it has to be a symptom of superficiality or self-hatred. It can be really, really healthy.”

When I shared my thoughts with Kate, she added:

“I think sometimes on my blog I lean too far in the direction of the women you were describing, who act derisive about weight loss. I don’t feel like that, but I feel pressure to act like that publicly. Reading [your note] helped me put that tendency in perspective and understand better how unfair and, like you said, shaming it can be, to emphasize either approach without giving people room to make their own decisions. Life is too complicated for extremism in either direction.”

It feels like the “real women”, body-love mantras we hear so much about are walking a fine line; we should start loving us regardless of what our body looks or seems like, but we should be ashamed of wanting to change ourselves (and, we know that certain body love movements can be very exclusionary).

While it’s great that the motto of many bod-acceptance movements is “love thyself”, I feel it’s can be healthy to both accept yourself and be a little conscious of your body, knowing its limits, knowing what it can do and what’s good for it.  And if you’re comfortable with you, rock on!  Work it!

But if you want to shed a couple pounds before your tropical vacation, that’s a legitimate goal.  You can eat what you want, and/or be religious about exercise if that’s your thing.  Being conscious of you, of how you look, of how you want to look doesn’t mean that you hate your body, or that you’re necessarily trying to conform to a thin ideal.  Don’t get me wrong – there’s a lot of “thin idolatry” out there, and current beauty standards do shame girls for not having the perfect body (whether it’s Christina Hendricks or Twiggy.  And, of course, this is not touching on cases where there’s something else going on etc.).  But we all realize that the perfect body doesn’t exist, but in a few very lucky cases.  The majority of us are gloriously imperfect.  And you have the power to demonstrate enormous self love by caring about your body – whether it’s feeding it cookies or taking it for a walk.

More tomorrow…

I got to talking with Ashe this morning about fashion bloggers and the money we’ll spend on the things we find worth spending on.  She mused, “… Do people get expensive tastes from being bloggers or have [expensive tastes] and then become bloggers?”

Ashe mentioned that her mom always bought the best she could for the best value – growing up with quality over quantity, she notes, is one of the reasons she has such a good eye.  Out of a lineup of 20 white oxfords, her “eye will like the most expensive pair best, without knowing the designers or cost”.

Thinking about it – part of being a fashion blogger, for me, came from an obsession with what I couldn’t have, while inspirational style images peered out at me through the pages of catalogues and magazines, not to mention MTV.  My parents didn’t buy name-brand clothing (with 3 kids, who can!?).  We thrifted – and with the idea that things would be worn by at least 2 girls, even our thrifted pieces needed to be quality.  I was also involved in theater and costuming (you know, Thespian Troupe President,  and my senior portraits were voted most theatrical since I had old-timey photos taken instead of the very-posed norm).  I learned to sew.  I read books on costume history, researched vintage clothes and was always, constantly inspired.

In our small town, there was no GAP or Express.  I remember receiving Delia’s catalogues, and I bought all the teen-appropriate fashion mags I could find, circling looks and outfit pieces in each one.  This might be why I still flip through the Vicki’s catalogues, circling things and drawing moustaches on the models.  These catalogues showed me the clothes that weren’t available to me and the styles that I coveted.  I became kind of.. enamored with branded stuff.  As I grew into my tastes, I was able to weed out the styles that didn’t suit me, but have always had a soft spot for the inspiration in a well curated editorial – whether or not it was “my style”.

I worked retail when I first moved to the big city.  Through that experience, I learned about thread count, different fabrics, and differences in quality.  I saw how once-coveted items fell apart at the seams – literally.  With new shops to explore on every corner, my tastes evolved along with my paychecks.  I was still buying a lot of stuff on the cheap (often, quantity over quality), but I got tired of having to repair everything I bought that wasn’t well-made.

I find that now, I have priorities that I’d gladly spend money on.  It’s been a lot of trial-and-error, but I also a labor of love.  As I see the glint of my Tiffany heart pendant in my monitor, I realize I’ve always liked having “nice things”, not just because of the quality, but also because of the status involved.  Did blogging give me more expensive tastes?  Maybe, but I also worked in retail for years and spent a lot of time repairing cheaply-bought items and coveting things that had a certain aesthetic.  I was also exposed to so much more because I was in a more metropolitan area.

It wasn’t till I started truly blogging that I started to fill out what I thought my style should be.  Again, exposure was a key part of my growth as a blogger.  I realized that style is something you can tailor and create.  I went back to fashion magazines for inspiration, and dug out all my vintage pieces and acquired tastes.  I looked to other bloggers around me, found pieces that appealed to me and wanted things I thought I’d never afford.  Over time, I began to make more money, and my tastes evolved towards the wider market available to me.  Blogging does influence what I think is fashionable – seeing girls carrying it-bags, looking ever so stylish is an inspiration to look for my own it-bag.  Of course, I’ll always do it in my own style, whether the bag is vintage, or merely it-bag inspired.

So what gives?  Does being a fashion or style blogger instantly mean you have expensive tastes?  Or do expensive tastes turn you into a fashion blogger?  Or do your tastes and your paychecks and your style all grow together.  Does the fashion blogging world push us to spend more?  Or do we spend more to keep up?

My answer – all of the above.  A little of everything.   I’d be interested in hearing your point of view, readers.  Did fashion blogging inspire you to have expensive tastes?  Or did having expensive tastes lend to becoming a fashion blogger.

For Bonus Points, read The Chicken or The Egg Debate Between Fashion and Art

While flipping through June’s Elle last night, (I go through it a couple times, once for the pretty pictures, once for the articles and once to tear all my favorite images out of) I stumbled across a quote that seemed incredibly relevant:

“It just reminds us how different “real” women and celebrities are when it comes to their relationship with fashion.  Stars [and internet stars - my emphasis] use it to build an image; the rest of us look for clothes that connect with some inner part of ourselves – we need self expression, not a fan base.”

As the much-talked-about Blogger Beautiful post from Gala Darling points out,

“We all retouch our faces to be blemish-free, & if you only knew how many bloggers manipulate their waistlines or thighs in Photoshop! My point is, some fashion blog images are as unrealistic & idealistic as what is presented to us in magazines.”

Our relationship to the clothes, the platform, the photos are all different – but for many of us, it’s a form of self expression, not a means to a fan base.  And the beauty of that is that our self expression is what keeps us beautiful, relevant, shining, bright.  I sometimes wonder if, as fashion blogging becomes a bigger industry, it is becoming less creative – following the footsteps of the fashion world.  I wonder that and then I remember all the unique, down-to-earth, well read and amazing people whose lives I’ve been given a peek into.  And if they stopped blogging (and if you stopped blogging) and being them (your) selves, yes, fashion blogging would be less creative, less fun, and less intriguing.

When we give ourselves permission to be and feel everything we are – monstrous, large, loud, brazen, occasionally ugly – we age backward.

Translate that: when you love yourself regardless of your bad hair days, your outfit faux-pas, your gaffes in public (I’m a total goober in public, but I laugh, because it’s often hilarious!), you are nothing but inspiring – even on your non-fashionable days.  When you allow you to be you, when you’re not afraid to post images of yourself, and challenge others around you to do the same, you are courageous. That’s what style blogging is all about.

I sat down with the book and a notepad, and diligently followed a few of the exercises.  Was I “this” or “that”?  Was I “matte” or “glossy”?  Was I “round” or “square”?  How do I feel in a bookstore?  How do I spend my free time?

As I wrote, I began to notice that I was writing the same things over and over – not one or two words, but whole lists of words written out like punishment on a chalkboard.  Soon enough, I stopped writing.  I would gloss over the questions, and read others’ responses.  Playful Casual… I liked the sound of that.  Dramatic Contemporary… I like the sound of that!  Cultivated, Magic, Frivolous, Vintage, Connected, Cherished, Feminine, Cosmopolitan, Treasure, Vibrant, Curated…  Full-time Dreamer.  Motherfucking Starchild Odyssey.

And as so many of these words kept popping up, I realized that I just like words for words, and that I couldn’t boil my life and experiences down to just 2 words.  Sometimes I feel like Cultivated Magic.  Sometimes I feel like Connected Treasure.  Sometimes I feel like Frivolous Vintage.  I looked at my closet, I looked at my house.  I looked at my art, I looked at the treasures I collect.  I looked at these little slices of my life and all of them were different, and intertwined and just as much a part of me as the next.

At this point, I haven’t been able to nail down two words that define me.  80% here, 20% there.  I haven’t been able to hit that magic number and I think it’s because I often feel like I’m more than a ratio.  The whole “trying to fit my existence into two words” felt a little like surpressing all the other words I wanted to or could possibly be.  And I know that that’s the point – once you figure out those magic two words, your life falls into place, you realize who you are and what path you’re on and all the sudden the Universe magically opens and you can rename your blog and your cat and your purpose in life.

Unless you’re like me… in which case, all of that happens without having just two goddamn words.

I have to give it to Style Statement’s authors.  They genuinely made me think, and I’m not sorry I bought and read over half the book.  And I think someday, I’ll probably plow through the rest and realize what I’ve been missing. Eventually, maybe, I’ll find that magic definition (Ooh… that’s a good one, right?  Magic Definition?!) that I can’t quite nail down because my brain is a maze of letters and pictures and stars and numbers.  I tried so hard to want one of these statements but the Childlike Wild-Thing (Is that one?  I dunno… I think that’s 3 words) inside me cannot commit to one set of ideas.  Objets Magiques, Strange Treasure, Random Clarity… my brain fills up with all the words I could be – words just spilling right out of my ears, there are so many – and somehow I’m comforted in knowing that somewhere inside my head I’m already defined.

As my Notes from the Universe said the other day: “Insisting on details, Birdie, always limits you.”

White is virginal and I have a tendency to sometimes be a slop.  White is prone to stains and spills.  I’ve seen a lot of white done wrong – especially in too-light trousers.  In the past, it’s been easier to not buy white, just to avoid the challenge of keeping it clean.  I’ve often opted for light grays, light blues, light greens, even black and white or red and white stripes – anything to avoid committing myself to a solid color that makes me somewhat uncomfortable.

But there have been a few accessories I’ve coveted this spring that have made white a little more accessible in my wardrobe.  Along with the accessories, the second Bloggers Do It Better challenge really turned me on to the idea of white done well.  There were lovely lace skirts, slim trousers, and ladylike dressing.  It’s still intimidating (and I’ll admit, I bowed out of the white-out challenge)… but I’m working my way up to wearing white.

For example, this pair of Chanel sunglasses did me in.  I spied them while wandering around Nordstrom, waiting for a friend.  The sunnies were a little out of my budget but ultimately gorgeous. I tried a pair on and was hooked.  They’re not too wide, not too hip; it was love at first glance.  And they looked great with the red and gray outfit I was wearing.

And since then, I’ve found myself drawn to things like this white crackled leather bowler bag at Rice and Beans Vintage…

Seeing all this white done well gives me a desire to do away with all the winter black and gray – or at least use white to add contrast to darker outfits through accessories and wardrobe staples.  I’ll be adding large ropes of white or ivory pearls to everything.  I want white, dangly crystal earrings to complement little black blazers, and big white sandals to stomp around town in.  In my fashionable day-dreams, I would love to rock white cigarette pants with a loose, darker-colored top.

Are you embracing the white-trend this spring?  How are you wearing it?

I don’t think fashion is necessarily a money game, even though it seems hard to be fashion forward without buying seasonally.  As Ashe Mischief’s “Finance and the Fashion Blogger” series shows us, a girl on any budget can be inspired by and have some serious fashion impact.  And it’s not some frivolous game for vapid girls who have nothing else going for them.  As Mary Quant said, “[Fashion] is part of being alive today.”

So what’s a girl to do when she’s on a limited budget?  How do you become inspired by fashion – how do you write for the fashionable masses – when you don’t have the funds?  If you feel you’ve lost your fashion mojo because you just can’t keep up with the stylish Joneses, think again.

Look to your favorite fashion mag.  You know women only wear about 30% of what’s in their closet, which means that hidden among the hangers, there’s probably a whole Elle Style outfit waiting to happen.  Who cares if it isn’t designer, or if it’s not spot-on?  Inspiration doesn’t have to be perfect.  Personally, I love sitting in the sun, tearing out looks I love from thick magazines.  When I’m done, I have a collection of looks and tears that I liked, just waiting to inspire me.  And if it’s not the whole look I love, I go through with a silver sharpie and circle the pieces I love.  I write thoughts and phrases on the pages as they come to mind – so that when I’m feeling uninspired, the images + words recreates inspiration in my noggin.

Look at old photos of yourself.  Maybe there was an outfit you just loved 2 years ago – figure out how to make that current.  Chances are you still have one of those pieces in your closet, so get a little bit creative and put those pieces to work for you.  But don’t just pull out your midriff sweaters, Docs and tartan minis to wear to work à la Empire Records.  Get creative and pair that little sweater with a high-waisted, ladylike skirt and appropriate shoes; you’re recreating the feel of that bygone outfit.

Look to your friends – chances are, they’re more stylish than you think!  This works for 3 key reasons.

1. They’re instant inspiration in what they’re wearing.  Don’t go all “single white female” and copy their every move.  Instead, look at how they’ve paired things, maybe ask where she got that sweater that you love.  Watch what they do with proportions.  My favorite friend look is Mitzi’s “Long batik dress + Boots + Structured jacket”.  I don’t personally own these very same items, but I have flowing skirts that I can pair with structured tops and jangly jewelry to get that same structured-boho look.

2.  They can often help your style woes.  You don’t know what to wear with this?  Ask that pretty Laura, who will tell you a ladylike way to dress it up.  Don’t know how to pull off studs?  Ask Scarlet – because she’s the queen of rock ‘n’ roll chic!  Shorts plus cowboy boots?  Pull a Kirsten and pair them with black tights, a rock tee and a granny sweater for a fun, hip look.

3.  They will trade wardrobe orphans with you.  Pair of shoes that doesn’t quite work?  They’ll take it!  Need a belt to go with that dress?  They’ve got it!  Wardrobe swaps are the way to go when you’re on a budget and if your friends are into the idea, trading out pieces can be the perfect inspiration for your look.  Even if you don’t end up swapping anything out, you may learn a few new ways to put those pieces together.  Instant inspiration.

Other obvious inspirations: Celebrities, store windows, your favorite TV characters, reading up on fashion history (Mary Quant for example!), history books, movies, runways, people watching… the list is long…

Fashion doesn’t have to be about the cash it takes to stay current.  There’s a world of inspiration waiting, and you’re more fashionable than you think – just fatigued from standing in front of your own closet with “nothing to wear”.  And if you’re truly  not feeling it, don’t force it – chances are, it will come to you when you’re ready!  (CHEESY: If you build it, they will come)

How do you get inspired by fashion, on a budget?

–

There was an article in Newsweek asking what the media standard of super-thin models is doing to our society.  With the close of NYFW that February, Newsweek reported that an epidemic of slimness was on the rise again! They mentioned the symposium at Bryant Park on weight guidelines in the fashion industry – noting harrowing stories of models who were only allowed to eat “lethally small amounts of lettuce and Diet Coke“.  The article reports that, although the industry claims to be monitoring girls for unhealthy habits, designers are hesitant to impose minimum weight guidelines for catwalk models – Diane Von Furstenburg, most notably, saying weighing runway models would happen “over my dead body.”

(Img courtesy of NY Magazine)

The article pointed out the discrepancy between fashion models and the average woman.  On average, an American woman stands 5?4? at 155lbs, where the average model now boasts a height of 5?10? and weighs 23% less than that.  No wonder women today cling to fad diets and unhealthy eating habits that could eventually lead to more weight gain in the end.

(Img courtesy of LongStation.com and Amber Mac)

The models themselves can’t even keep up with their own images – the article notes that even after hours of hair and makeup styling, their photos go through hours of rigorous photo-manipulation to look perfect on the cover of popular fashion mags.  No wonder women feel a little outdone by runway and magazine models – their images are unreal.  They’ve had their freckles erased, every stray hair photoshopped into perfection, their legs and necks lengthened, their faces slimmed and realigned for symmetry, their nose shaped, their breasts lifted – and all of it is done through the click of some editor’s mouse.

(Img courtesy of Jezebel.com and David Airey)

In the end, these images we’re bombarded with on a daily basis may contribute to how we perceive ourselves.  In Dove’s “Real Truth About Beauty” study, Dr. Nancy Etcoff of Harvard University says:

“Only the minority of women see themselves as above average in appearance, and only 2% claim to be beautiful… Indeed, the study shows that women are less satisfied with their beauty than with almost every other dimension of life except their financial success.“

And Dr. Susie Orbach from the London School of Economics states,

“The overwhelming majority of women … [do not] wish to be excluded because they fail to find their beauty reflected in the images which bombard them, on average, in 2000 advertisements per week.… Beauty itself must be revitalized to reflect women in their beauty as they really are rather than as portrayed in the current fictions that dominate our visual culture.“

Indeed, the study did show that women feel that the ideal standard of physical attractiveness is almost impossible to obtain, and that weight and proportions are inextricably linked to that standard of beauty.

The best part of the Dove study was that women do consider beauty a combination of factors (including physical attractiveness).  Women do know that beauty is about who you are, not just how you look according to some fictitious standard set by the advertising industry – but with the continuing bombardment by mainstream media, we sometimes find it hard to believe.

Perhaps we are judging ourselves a little too harshly against some false standard set by people who want to sell us product.  The truth is, beauty IS on the inside as well as the outside.  If you feel good about yourself, and feel confident in your lifestyle and choices, that inner radiance will shine through.

It’s time we recognize the unrealistic standards our media and fashion industries set, and begin to love our selves, despite what anyone else thinks is beautiful.  Appreciate people (including yourself), not solely for their physical attractiveness, but for that beauty they possess that isn’t based on weight or proportion.

Sources:
Newsweek.  Why Skinny Models Could Be Making Us Fat.  Feb 28, 2007.
Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty.  The Truth About Real Beauty: A Global Report. September 2004.

Don’t shop? The words roll around in my head.  Don’t shop?  Isn’t that what fashion and style bloggers do?

I had stopped checking all the sample sales, I turned a blind eye walking past the H&M when I was laid off – but it was an upcoming ladies tea… and the curve of a wedge heel, and the urge to shop was there.

It’s not that I need to buy, I told myself, I just like looking at stuff.  The cut of a hem, the drape of a satin, the alluring sparkle of sequinned tanks.  And besides, what harm can browsing do?  Except, I saw this dress that was a gorgeous sateen cotton and I had to try it on.  And that was the trap.

“I’ll just try this on… it probably won’t fit.”

It didn’t.  The dress was too small to get over even my narrow shoulders and because I mourned the ill-fitting cut of the dress, the entire experience gave me pause.  I can’t afford to just browse and shop.  It’s true that I have great reason to browse – I can surf through a collection in person and write about it later.  But it was the realization that I went into this store, consciously ready to consume.  Unwittingly ready to buy had that little dress fit (and had it been oh… $10 cheaper – but even $10 is easy to rationalize) and I didn’t realize that until I was majorly bummed that it didn’t fit.  I had a guilty second where I thought to myself, “I should NOT be here…”

Stepping outside the store gave me a breath of fresh air and I rationalized that I’d been emotionally shopping – I went in because I was bored and killing time.  I haven’t felt the ego-blow of being laid off (because ex-employer was sort of a dick), but there is a sense of mania when I ask, “What am I going to do with myself now!??!”  I’d rationalized my purpose for going in (“Oh I can just browse to kill time…”), but I hadn’t realized that I went in with the wrong mindset.  At that same time, if I had seen something truly unique and special, that would seamlessly integrate right into my closet… shouldn’t I buy it?

I need to be aware of the underlying mental reasons for wanting to “just browse” – and if I had cash-in-hand the situation would have been much different.  If you’re going to browse – just browse – without having the money in your pocket to purchase, do so with an editorial eye.  Had I gone in, in the right frame of mind, telling myself “I’m going in because I want to note the construction of this line, or the new trends and fabrics”, I probably wouldn’t have put myself in potential debt danger (wait, how was I going to pay for this dress if I didn’t have the money on me?  OH right!  Credit!).    Had I gone in with the actual money right in my hand, I would have been justified to try and buy.

I don’t think the solution to not frivolously throwing money out is to not shop.  It’s a source of wardrobe inspiration, and often it’s a source of blog inspiration.  Hell, we probably all spend at least half an hour browsing through sales on the internet while we’re looking for post-fodder.  I think the solution to that mindless consumption is to be mindful of why you’re shopping, and what you’re feeling while you’re doing it.  And to think I almost rationalized an ill-fitting dress just to satiate my feelings!  I think for me, it will be about having that money right in my hand and available when I actually want to shop to consume.  And to realize when there is an underlying emotion as I’m out surfing the racks.  Don’t shop to kill time, but do it with a sense of purpose – whether that’s to write about the experience, or to actually purchase something.  Know your purpose, be mindful of your triggers.  Shop, but know why you’re there.

Mindless consumption is a pretty serious and prevalent problem – especially when you’re on a limited budget.  How do you stay mindful while browsing?