While flipping through June’s Elle last night, (I go through it a couple times, once for the pretty pictures, once for the articles and once to tear all my favorite images out of) I stumbled across a quote that seemed incredibly relevant:

“It just reminds us how different “real” women and celebrities are when it comes to their relationship with fashion.  Stars [and internet stars - my emphasis] use it to build an image; the rest of us look for clothes that connect with some inner part of ourselves – we need self expression, not a fan base.”

As the much-talked-about Blogger Beautiful post from Gala Darling points out,

“We all retouch our faces to be blemish-free, & if you only knew how many bloggers manipulate their waistlines or thighs in Photoshop! My point is, some fashion blog images are as unrealistic & idealistic as what is presented to us in magazines.”

Our relationship to the clothes, the platform, the photos are all different – but for many of us, it’s a form of self expression, not a means to a fan base.  And the beauty of that is that our self expression is what keeps us beautiful, relevant, shining, bright.  I sometimes wonder if, as fashion blogging becomes a bigger industry, it is becoming less creative – following the footsteps of the fashion world.  I wonder that and then I remember all the unique, down-to-earth, well read and amazing people whose lives I’ve been given a peek into.  And if they stopped blogging (and if you stopped blogging) and being them (your) selves, yes, fashion blogging would be less creative, less fun, and less intriguing.

When we give ourselves permission to be and feel everything we are – monstrous, large, loud, brazen, occasionally ugly – we age backward.

Translate that: when you love yourself regardless of your bad hair days, your outfit faux-pas, your gaffes in public (I’m a total goober in public, but I laugh, because it’s often hilarious!), you are nothing but inspiring – even on your non-fashionable days.  When you allow you to be you, when you’re not afraid to post images of yourself, and challenge others around you to do the same, you are courageous. That’s what style blogging is all about.

This is probably the cutest thing I’ve seen all day! Special thanks to David the Majestic and Beautiful Laura of Birdie Royale Adornments. The music is Ondulé by Mathieu Boogaerts. I love this video so much – and we had such a great time shooting photo and filming! Yay!

Thanks again to Laura and David (especially since Laura was one of our models too!), to Gorgeous Kirsten for being one of our models, to Mitsy for modeling, and to Kimberlee of Deco Modiste for designing all the clothing and for letting us raid her house. More photos will come, eventually… Stay tuned!

PS – Don’t forget to enter the Haute Summer Night Fashion Event Giveaway! There are only a few entries so you have a very good chance of winning. Please, and Thank you! xoxo.

FISH BUBBLES! That’s totally what they’re called and they’re kind of awesome.  The blonde in me wants to ask, “How did they get the water in there!?!” (There’s a trap on the top, of course) and the 6-year-old in me is like, “Cool, they look like space fish, or something from Star Trek”.

Now if I had some wall-space, I might make Mister buy me a Beta fish.

The original bag that caught my eye was this piece:

Kimberlee of Deco Modiste has a bag almost exactly like this and I covet it every time I see it.  It’s very classic 60′s-70′s style, with the foldover top and lock.

In a more 50′s-60′s style, Galian has this little basket-style bag that reminds me of those cool woven Lucite purses fashionable ladies used to carry around.  Or as my friend Kirsten would call them, “Disco lunchboxes”.  Of course, this is a little less disco and a little more boho…

The next one I really liked because of the contrast red – and the fact that it looks super utilitarian.  This is your, “Bring it to the beach” bag, that holds your book and your sunglasses and maybe a snack… It’s a wicker bucket bag or a wicker hobo or something.  Can it be a hobo with so much structure?

And then there’s this guy.  It’s like a wicker bowling bag – with minimal hardware and leather contrast.  I really likethe shape – this little handbag is super unique and very “on”.

I’m really into this wicker bag thing – sort of granny, sort of hippie, totally cool.  And now I want to know, who else sells these!?  I usually buy mine vintage, but would totally consider one of these bags from Galian.

“We are all going to die at some point so you might as well wear a crazy hat, you assholes.”
-Auntie Marie at Agentlover.com

Girl has a point.

Your life is too short to do things like: Purchase a party dress that will never get any play because you don’t have somewhere to wear it; Keep that expensive eBay investment bag in a dust bag in your closet for fear of ruining it; not wear your grandmother’s engagement ring as your own for fear of losing it; Not wear those fancy Loubies you bought because they cost a pretty penny…

You see where I’m going with this?

Life is too short not to: Take a plunge to do something different, because your day job sucks all the life out of you; burn the candle at both ends every once in a while because you’re excited about the new projects you’re working on; sleep in late and waste a little bit of a day because you can; learn a new craft or skill that you’ve always wanted to, and now you have the time for it.

I have a friend who said to me, recently, “You need to go out and do things for you.  You don’t want to wake up one day and find out it’s too late.”  He’s so incredibly right.  The beauty of life is that you only have so much time to make it yours, and your time is never wasted, but sometimes it could be better spent.

I’m not saying you should be the grasshopper and not the ant (all play and no work has consequences), I’m just saying, make time to prioritize your business.  Carve out a day in your planner to make sure the things you need to do/experience/make get done.  And if you can’t do that thing right now, start writing out the plan to get to where you need to be.  The first step is the hardest.  Always.

Be kooky, be weird.  Take chances, understand your risks.  Create, create, create!  Create love, create magic, create a space where you can be awesome.  Rock out, work it.  Be you.

Mondays give me the blues, so – in an effort to combat the monday blues – I spent some time tinkering around in Etsy, and created a cute little treasury to inspire you through Monday…

Click to view the items on Etsy!

A little visual inspiration can be powerfully potent and I feel a lot less blue looking at all these sunny little goodies.

Tommaso Aquilano of Gianfranco Ferré thinks American women all dress the same.  According to Aquilano, though we’re well dressed, this similarity in dressing is indicative of one thing – American women are working a little too hard at picking up men.  In an article in NY Mag’s fashion blog, The Cut, Tomas Aquilano says American women dress like they’re overly concerned with sex and who they’re taking home tonight.  Because of this concern with what makes us look sexy, we’re showing off the clothing that we think will get us laid instead of the clothing that makes us feel as sexy as we truly are.

According to Aquilano, we’re not dressing for our body types because we’re so focused on the clothing that will make us look attractive instead of our features that are attractive.  We seem to put too much emphasis onwhat we wear, not how we wear it, or whether or not it shows off our amazing features.  We’ve been compared against Italian women, who, Aquilano says, show themselves off by dressing in a way that accentuates their bodies instead of their clothing.

Strummer, image via Fashionizing

I’ve written about Dressing with Intent and Being Original here at Bonne Vie.  Both articles emphasized ONE poignant point - dress for yourself.  Simon Doonan, author of Eccentric Glamour, says that wearing what everyone else is wearing is just boring, and YSL once told us: “Over the years I have learned that what is important in a dress is the woman who is wearing it.”  Chanel is often quoted with a similar statement.

These comments have something in common: what’s most important in your style is YOU – your body, your personality, your self.  To incorporate Aquilano’s commentary on American women, what’s most important in your style is your ultimate self expression and how you choose to exhibit that figure you were graced with.  It’s not about the clothes – it’s about you and your bod.  If you want to feel sexy, emphasize that part of you that makes you feel sexy and do it in a way that matches your personality.

It’s important to emphasize fit and accentuating the body you have.  Say “No!” to hiding features that many would consider “flaws.”  Instead, dress with the intent of playing up your best features and your personality through what you wear.  You make the clothes; they don’t make you. You are not a trend, you are an individual.  You’re not a skinny jean, or a dolman top – you make those clothes part of your personality by wearing them.

Don’t stress because you’re a double-digit pant size.  Instead, remember:  “Highlight the positive and delete the negative” (Donna Karan).  No body is perfect, and those with the highest self confidence realize this and LOVE every feature of their body.  They’ve deleted the negative connotations of size and shape from their brains and have chosen to love and emphasize what they’ve got.  They don’t fall prey to wishing they looked like this or that fearless female – they are the fearless female, and they don’t care what everyone else is wearing.  They’re dressing for themselves.

I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s possible.  Start by accentuating and focusing on the parts of you that you love.  Through dressing with your best self in mind, you’ll find confidence in how amazing you look.  That confidence will carry through your wardrobe and you’ll soon be able to rock anything you choose to put on.

It’s funny how little marriage changes reality, and the weird ways in which it does. I think I’ve learned a lot (cliché, I know…) about both myself and relationships in a four short months and we’re still in ultra wedded bliss…

Before I chopped my locks. With Mr at the Tanqueray Party. And Sara in the background, there...

You are not your other.  Go shopping with your girls, and don’t expect them to tag along.  You need your separate time.  You need that time away so you have a chance to miss each other.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that.  You are your own person and you are part of a whole.  The part of the whole won’t grow if the two of you don’t grow on your own.

That said, you should treat your other like they are a part of you.  I know this can be difficult sometimes when they’re stinking up the bathroom and you’re hell-bent on a bubble bath.  In the same vein you wouldn’t want your other nagging about the giant pile of your shoes cluttering up the front entry, right?  In a word – love them how you love you.  It’s the little things that add up.  It’s not forgetting to care about them – not taking them for granted.

Arguments should be discussions, not fights.  Don’t be afraid to talk to them, even if it makes you choke up, and tear up.  You’ve got the next how long that you have to hang out with this person?  (Not that that’s a bad thing)  You need to know how to express yourself.   Oh, and going to bed angry is like setting the mattress on fire and trying to get a good night’s sleep.  Honestly, nobody wants to clean up the ashes and rubble the next morning.  If you’re in distress, take two seconds to imagine your partner as that person you fell head over heels with – that’s not necessarily who they are when you’re arguing with them, but that’s still the person you need to talk to.

Does the garbage need to be taken out?  Do it.  Don’t complain.  Get over it.  He’ll notice.  I promise.  And if it seems like he never remembers to take it out… there’s probably something else he does that you’re forgetting.

Talk about money.  Talk about how you’re going to spend it, talk about how you’re going to save it.  Talk about each getting a little allowance for your own personal fun stuff.  I like shoes and I like having a little money of my own to spend on it.  Talk about how you’re going to keep from going in the negative.  Talk about it and make sure your goals work together in the long term.

Which is my next point – plan, plot and strategize together.  Figure it out.  Solve together.  Problems, puzzles – another set of eyes is never a bad thing.

Learn to realize when you’re wrong and be gracious about it.  Get over it.  Being wrong doesn’t make you a bad person.  It just means you’re now better off than before whatever “it” is happened.  And if he’s wrong… don’t gloat.  Maybe correct it, but don’t dig it in.

It IS just the two of you.  Everyone else is a third party who’s not within the confines of the relationship.  Any of their advice comes from someone who doesn’t explicitly know/understand/care about your arrangement or needs.   Besides, you have a partner that you trust – why not just talk about it with them?

Make yourself happy (considerately).  Happy = sexy.  Sexy =  marital zest.  Get zesty!  Aim for your partner to be happy too, but remember, you can only do so much.

Love, Love, Love!  Act with love.  Walk with love; talk with love.  Make love.  Be love.  Gaw – I sound like Lennon.  Not such a bad thing, though, eh?

Who loves you, baby!

Got anything to add?  I’m sure I can use the advice. �

PS – I suck at this.  Rabbit Write has much better relationship tips for you than I do!

It hasn’t been all buttercups and busy bees though – Mister and I found out kitty was terminally ill, and yesterday my little fuzzy love went for her final vet visit. It hurts a little to think she was so sad and scared and sick, but there’s also a peace in knowing that she’s not in pain or frightened anymore.  I wrote the impermanence post, as sort of a way to process my grief.

“We don’t know if they’ll be there tomorrow when we wake up. We don’t know if that sound they make when their soul purrs and sings is the last sound we’ll hear. This knowledge – in the back of our minds, in the far reaches of our hearts is what reminds us to love them now.”

This Thursday is more a reminder to love things – to take that moment of gratitude for being here.  I love the time I spent with my cat-monster.  I enjoy being a pet-person.  I made a TiLT list, because now is a good time to remember what I love.

I also love all those people around me who lent their ears, their sympathies and their love in such stressful times.  I love the medium that’s brought all of us together.  You guys, you’re awesome.

In other news, I love knowing the weekend is right around the corner – especially a weekend that involves good reads, good friends, organization (a little apartment therapy) and regeneration (hello, massages at Clear Awakening!).

I love how, when things seem a little bleak, life likes to drop gifts right in your lap.

The short list:

I definitely love retail therapy right now – Tarina T bracelets, Noir spike rings,etc.; I love paying for goodies straight out; Actually, I love having no debt, and paying for things like school straight out of pocket; I love the idea that we’re living in our means and saving for big splurges; I love watching my bank account grow as we save 1/3 of our monthly income (This candid financial talk was inspired by Ashe Mischief’s posts about finance);  I love that we can have these candid conversations about really important stuff and then talk about shoes 2 seconds later; I love art history/appreciation and being able to name ancient Egyptian art pieces while watching Nova (NERD ALERT!); I love Lapis Lazuli blue – especially in tee-shirts that fit just right; I love dreamily planning for the future while sitting in the sun on my deck; I love dance party plans, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and record shopping; I love the promise of new days ahead…

What do you love?

One Sixty One by Anna Gay

This situation – is it you?  It’s an easy feeling to fall into – one that you often don’t notice until it’s grabbed you by the cojones – you find yourself slipping into the habit of Ben & Jerry’s and Sex in the City reruns on a Friday night, instead of EVERYTHING else.  Don’t worry, dear heart!  It’s not fatal, but it might take a little adjustment.  Just because you haven’t found that someone doesn’t mean you’re not going to  – and it doesn’t mean that now is necessarily the right time to try and muscle your way into a relationship.

It sounds like the universe rearranging itself, because no-one’s come along, yet, who’s worthy of you. I know it sucks and it feels all dark and dreary right now, but that kind of wonderful love-thing happens when you least expect it, and when you aren’t looking.

Your response is to tell me that everyone always says that to anyone who feels like they’re on the perpetual search for a perfect mate, but it IS true.  Desperation is never a good look, and when you’re out enjoying your life, you look like you could care less.  That happy, care-free, wild child within is the most beautiful face you could put forward.   That is attractive.

Self-help, websites, and blind dates keep you focused on what’s wrong with your love life instead of what’s right.  You see the fact that blind dates are failures; and seriously, I cannot think of a WORSE set up for a date – “Oh hi, we don’t know each other but our friends think we’d like each other.” Except our friends – those who mean well, are people who are not us.  Dating sites just point out the value of a good photo on the internet and how many of those photos are a real person?  Self help is great, but do you really need it?  You have freedom, opportunity, and the ability to experience. You can coyly flirt with a cute barista without worrying that your “petit ami” is going to think you like the coffee guy a little too much.  You buy food for yourself – there’s no boy in his underpants standing at your fridge, drinking juice straight out of the jug.  And though some people may want that in their lives, there’s always going to be something in that potential mate that makes you roll your eyes and heave a giant sigh of desperation.

Singledom can be a great blessing and a lot of fun.  You are a wild child that a partner cannot tame.  You’re a sultry lioness whose perfect mate has yet to find you – and really, it’s their loss.   You are the inspiration that gets your non-single girl friends out of the house, when they sigh, “we never go out dancing anymore like we did when we were single.”

The sexiest thing you’ve got is being happy , loving who you are, and where your life has taken you. Chin up, hot stuff! Slap on a cute dress and some hot shoes, and kidnap one of your girl-friends for a night out on the town to forget all this ever happened.  Take that charge, that confidence and that control.  Then when you wink at some cute boy who’s in line at the bar, he’ll be left wondering just who you were and what kind of magic you possess.